Confidence
by CBloom2
Summary: Disappointed with the lack of Ethan in last nights episode (1/11) so I've put him in. Set at the end of the day. Slight spoilers for the episode if you haven't seen it. I wondered if Cal was losing his confidence a bit when he asked Lily to help him (but knowing me I'm just looking to deeply into it). Anyway so not happy that Ethan wasn't in the thick of it :(


**Well, I have to say that while I enjoyed last nights episode, I was really disappointed that Ethan wasn't in it. He got one small mention about him having to go for his check up and that was it! I see that Ash is still struggling emotionally after the accident (as well as Dixie and Mac) but everyone else seems to be unaffected. While I don't expect or want lots of characters crying into their coffees, I honestly hope that there will be a bit of fall out for at least Ethan, seeing as he almost died! Sorry I'm rambling...So I wanted to have Ethan involved somehow and this is my little offering.**

**As usual anyone you recognise does not belong to me.**

**So here goes...**

**Confidence**

Dr Ethan Hardy made his way through the hospital, grumbling quietly to himself. He had been for his check up after the accident. He had been full of hope that they would sign him off so that he wouldn't have to go back, but unfortunately they had been reluctant to do that, instead asking him to go back in a couple more weeks for 'one last check up'. He knew that they were only making completely sure that everything was alright, and they had been asking lots of questions about his sleep patterns and whether he could relax or not. He was aware why they were asking the questions, but he wanted to get back to normal life as soon as possible, the last thing he needed was to keep talking about it. As he meandered through the hospital corridors, his thoughts turned to his brother. He looked at his watch noticing that Cal would be finishing his shift soon, so he changed direction and made his way towards the exit so that he could cross to the E.D.

As he exited the main hospital building, he became aware of a huge amount of noise - shouting and chanting. He suddenly remembered that it was the day of the local derby football match. Smiling ruefully, he felt a sense of relief that he wasn't in the department with the noise and tension.

He walked slowly towards the noise, confused as to why there were so many people outside the department. A new noise made itself known to him. The fire alarm. What the hell? It was then that he noticed people filing out of the main entrance looking lost. He felt a knot form in his stomach. He could see plenty of people milling about but none of the staff who work in there. As he looked round he suddenly caught a fleeting glimpse of Dixie. Speeding up he managed to catch up with her, "Dixie, what on earth is going on?"

The paramedic sighed deeply as she looked towards the department, "Some idiot decided to let off some sort of firework or flare in the ED - so now everyone has to evacuate as it set the fire alarm off." She looked none to happy.

"Where is everyone? I've only seen you...where is everyone else?" Ethan felt the knot grow a little bigger.

"Rita and Robyn are trying to get everyone out...all the doctors are still working. One patient threw himself on the flare to protect a young lad, so he's very badly burned. Lofty..."

Ethan turned to face her, "What about Lofty?"  
>"Apparently he saved the young lad from the smoke but inhaled a lot of it...Ethan there is no fire, everyone is alright..." She tried to assure the younger man, who was looking back at the department, clearly anxious. He pushed his glasses up his nose, as he always did when nervous, "I'd better get in there, see if I can help."<p>

"I'd stay out of it if I were you...look I need to go...more idiots to pick up," Dixie patted his arm as she climbed back into the ambulance.

Ethan took a deep breath and began to walk towards the chaos. Suddenly Ash staggered out of the doors, "Dr Ashford, are you alright?"

"Erm, yes, I'm fine. Zoe told me to go home...so much smoke...just like..." If he finished his sentence, Ethan didn't hear him as he had walked past the younger man still mumbling to himself. Ethan understood what had happened to the experienced doctor - a flashback to the accident...no he wasn't going to go there.

As the automatic doors opened, the fire alarm went quiet, much to the relief of the staff that he could see. He strode in, straight up to Rita, "Rita, is everyone ok?"

The new head nurse could see the worry on the young man's face, "Yes Ethan, everyone is fine...very busy but fine."

"Cal?"

"He's extrememly busy with the burns victim at the moment but other than that he's fine...trust me," Rita smiled at the young doctor who let out a breath that he hadn't realised he had been holding.

"Can I go through?" He wanted to check because the last thing he wanted was to be a burden.

"Of course, just watch your step." 

As he walked through he saw Lofty sat on a bed with an oxygen mask on his face. Quietly he made his way towards him, "Lofty - how are you feeling?"

The young nurse took off the mask to answer him but immediately began to cough. Ethan smiled as he gently placed the mask back on, "Don't talk. I hear you've been a bit of a hero today...good job."  
>Lofty smiled tiredly, they laid his head back on the pillow. Ethan patted his leg as he turned on his heel. He really needed to find his brother, a feeling that if he was honest, he wasn't used to feeling.<p>

He soon came across the older man, following a trolley that was surrounded by a lot of people.

"Cal," he said, trying to get his brothers attention.

The older man looked round quickly, "Hey, look I've got to go with my patient...you going to wait around?" He asked as he moved quickly to keep up.

"Yes I'll wait for you if you want," Ethan agreed.

"Yeah...good. I'll see you soon," Cal replied not meeting his eyes.

Ethan watched as the door to the lift closed, something niggling at him. His brother hadn't seemed himself, but he had had a busy day so he was probably tired.

He walked to the staff lounge and poured himself a cup of coffee, feeling a bit guilty drinking coffee when everyone else was working, but he wasn't on the rota for that day, not that he would sit there if needed.

Suddenly the door opened and in flew Lily, grabbing a glass of water as she walked, "Busy day Lily?"

Lily looked up in surprise, "Oh," she relaxed and smiled, "You could say that, bet you're glad you're not in today."

"Yes although I do feel a little guilty sat here while everyone is rushing around," he admitted.

"You waiting for Cal?" she questioned.

"Yes. When I heard what was going on, I was a bit worried for you all, so that's why I came here. I've just seen Cal so I thought I might as well wait for him. Is he alright?"  
>"What makes you ask?" Lily asked.<p>

"I don't know. Just something felt off with him..."

"I know what you mean. He asked me to take over today when he was trying to intubate the burns patient...he never asks me to take over," Lily's brow furrowed, as did Ethan's.

"Hmmm," the younger man mused.

"Anyway, I must dash," she told him.

"If you need extra hands - well you know where I am."

"Of course. Oh by the way, how did your check up go?"

Ethan was caught off guard, "Oh fine, nothing to worry about."

About a hour later, Cal dragged his feet into the staff lounge, knowing that his brother was waiting for him there. He opened the door to reveal a younger brother fast asleep, propped up with some cushions. Cal smiled and shook his head. Any other day he would march straight up to him and probably move one of the cushions, but today he just didn't have the energy. Presently his brother stirred, "Hey, why didn't you wake me?" Ethan asked him, a frown gracing his features when his brother just shrugged his shoulders, "Bad day?"

"Not the best..." was all he would say.

Ethan stood, wincing slightly as his body reminded him that he still wasn't 100% healed. He stretched out his back then walked towards the older man, "Are you alright Cal? You seem... a bit off?)

Cal ran a hand over his head, "Yeah, course I am. Just tired."

As he began to put on his jumper, he quickly turned to Ethan, "How did it go today?"

"Oh the usual. Nothing major. Just have to go back in a couple of weeks," he finished grumpily.

"Why? Is there something wrong?" Cal looked worried.

To see his brother become worried so easily, Ethan knew something wasn't quite right with him.

"They just keep asking whether I'm sleeping alright, do I have any nightmares, you know the sort of thing. I think they just want me to keep hanging around," he chuckled.

Cal smiled, "Yeah, I know that feeling."  
>"Ok Cal , that's it! There's something wrong...what is it? Don't make me worry about you."<p>

Cal sighed deeply and perched on the edge of a stool, "I think I've lost my confidence Ethan. I've lost confidence in my abilities..."  
>"Why do you say that? You saved that guy's life today from what I've heard," Ethan didn't like what he was hearing.<p>

"I had to ask Lily to come in a help. I couldn't get the tube into his airway. I've never had any problems before...apart from...the time when i had to stick that needle in you..." he drifted off.

"Hey, in case you hadn't noticed - I'm still here. You did stick that needle in me - you saved my life! You saved that guy's life today. Cal you are a great doctor - obviously not as good as me but you can't have everything!"  
>Ethan relaxed a little when he saw a small smile on his brother's face, "Look Cal, we all have times where we doubt our abilities, and I know what I'm talking about here, but don't ever doubt yours...please."<p>

Cal looked at his brother and immediately he could tell that Ethan meant every word he was saying.

"I'm trying to think of something sarcastic to say but I can't," chuckled the older man.

"Well that makes a nice change," Ethan smiled, "Fancy a pint? On me?"

"Good grief, you have been worried about me!"

"Now there's the Cal we all know...and love."

**I think it was probably a bit weak at the end but I wanted to publish it before the busy week started. It kind of crossed my mind that maybe Cal wasn't as confident as usual when he asked Lily to help him with that patient, but perhaps I'm just reading to much into it!**

**Hope it was ok, I'm sure you'll let me know.**

**Please, please don't let the Cal/Ethan fics disappear because I for one was loving every one of them!**


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